Thursday, March 30, 2006

i wish so bad i liked coconut milk...

because if i did, believe me you, i would be sitting under a palm tree like this every day, with a straw, sipping away in the sun. instead, my blood runs cold at the thought. i blame it on medics in fiji, using it for blood transfusions during ww2. ruined it for me forever. although apparently it saved some lives so i guess it's a fair trade.

hmm. i am off topic. the topic du jour is visitors!!! we have had many in the past 2 weeks! my lovely parents were here over spring break, and then the same day they left, the superb swaagmans arrived! we had a fabulous time. now, once again, it is just us and mr. forks.

sometimes, when everyone is gone suddenly, it makes me realize how glad i am i picked matt. so glad he doesn't have to pack up too.

Friday, March 24, 2006

love turned to stone!

there is a legend down here that goes like this: once upon a time in latvia, a man named edward leedskalnin fell madly in love with a beautiful girl named agnes. the night before their wedding, she cancelled the marriage due to presssure from her mother to marry a man set to inherit a farm down the road. edward was so broken hearted he left latvia and wandered around the US, eventually winding up in southern florida. determined to win her back, he decided to build her a castle.

he worked for 28 years, carving and moving 1100 tons of coral rock in his tribute to lost love. some of the boulders he stood are taller than those at stonehenge, and he did it all himself - only 5 feet tall and battling tuberculosis, with a 4th grade education. the rumors began to swirl: did he have alien assistance? was it built on a magnetic field linked to the bermuda triangle? did he really know the secrets of the great pyramids, as he claimed? could he truly levitate stone? nooooooooooo one knooooooooooooows!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

a younger body with an older soul

Well gloriosity! I, my friends, have entered the quarter-century club. That's me to the right with my princely birthday-crown. Notice, if you will, the crows feet, the tell-tale signs of a lifetime of smiles, and the knowing wisdom of those penetrating eyes.

On Friday, the wife and I zipped up to Orlando to see Andy and Adam (meaning of Runner Bean fame, not The Flat), who were on vacation at some place that is apparently the happiest on Earth. Or so I'm told. We hung out Friday night, and then the wife and I checked into The Sheraton Safari hotel, which was approximately the coolest hotel on Earth. There was a big tank full of baby alligators in the lobby, and a 70-some foot long python waterslide, which we each slithered down about 30 times each on Saturday. If you do the math, you will calculate that we each climbed about 30 flights of rather tall stairs. We were exhausted. Later that night, we got chiminichangas and Cold Stone. What more could a boy ask for?
All in all, a very nice way to comemorate (sp?) my quarter-century mark.

sincerely, annually, and princely yours,
Matt.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Go west, young man!

First, a poem:
i just found this poem - it was written by one of my 5th graders from bethune. i think it's awesome.

Fear
Sounds like a howl
Smells like feet
Tastes like spit
Feels like hate

Second and Last, a little synposis: i pre-emptively lost my 5th grade job teaching at WCS - their enrollment is too low to hire me. it tasted like SPIT! after crying on the drive home, things are looking better. we found lots and lots of opportunities (and a house on stilts!). we're mainly looking at the west coast. west-coast meaning the gulf side of south florida!

I lied, this is Last: i just found out my team-teacher at bethune just quit. that brings the count up to 4 teachers who quit or were fired (me) on our team this year. an overturn of 6 people on a team of 2 people. incredible. they're filling the slot with a guy they fired last year. i wish i had known - i would've applied. yup.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!

we have become pirates! today we bought ourselves a boat. we shall soon sail the high-seas!

ocean-related fact of the day: Every day for the past 58 years, 70 year old Hajara Amma has been eating 2 pounds of sand!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

a fateful sneeze!

last night, matt and i were sitting in the livingroom playing with fyodor (he loves to chase around this caveman that matt won me at the fair) and anyway, while matt and the puppy were playing, i had a sudden sneeze. Fate would have it that in the moment i bent over to sneeze, matt threw the caveman in the kitchen. fyodor went running for it, and apparently decided to leap over me. i was just sitting up from my sneeze when WHAM he smashed right into my head! we collided mid-air!

so, in honor of the puppy (aka "mr. forks") i would like to share a quote-of-the-week from his beloved Motherland: "russian women are not good for figure skating. They are good for building rail tracks in Siberia, for example." - Russian Olympic figure-skating coach Alexei Mishin

Saturday, March 04, 2006

everything is inverted--by jonathan safran foer


Things that are backwards in Florida:
  1. FOOD: You can purchase turkey tail, cows feet, burnt cows feet (more expensive than regular!), goat testicles, ox tails, and something called "beef pizzle." Oh no. And don't forget the enormous jars of pickled hot sausage links.
  2. HAIR: many of the boys stick their hair out and up all over, with sideburns like a single blade of grass curving gently down their faces, and they shave their widows peaks for a straight and clean hairline, although generally not often enough. The other generally accepted hairstyle for a young man (particularly if he has curly hair) is to grow it all out fairly long, then tie it back about three quarters of the way up the head, so that it pulls back into an enormous puff on top of their heads. Norman Hubbard, it would seem, has incredible foresight into the world of style.
  3. CARS: Some men are so crazy about their trucks that they get pictures of their trucks painted right on the back of the truck! We've got a pitcture of that one somewhere.
  4. WINTER ACTIVITIES: They make snow angels out of sand. Oh, wait, that's just my Mapache.

Matttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

i blame hussein

for the decline of sales at sunniland furniture (presumably meant to be pronounced "sunny-land"?) i always picture insurgents lurking behind their couches. am i the only one? i think not.*

another business squelched by the heavy hand of fate: tsunami restaurant, filed for bankruptcy after the storm. i guess the thoughts of rot and disease don't make people hungry for sushi.

*FOOTNOTE: apologies if i insinuated all sunnis are insurgents. on a more serious note, i was very startled yesterday to read in the news that iraq might be on the verge of civil war. i think it's so scary how so few people can determine something so consequential - whoever blew the top off that mosque really lit a fuse. i wonder if zarqawi is behind it...?